The wife's point of view on crossdressing
Every time I have read articles about the relationship between a
crossdresser and his wife, they have always been written from the
crossdresser's point of view. That is why I would now like to make an
attempt to present the wife's point of view on crossdressing.
I am aware that each case is different and will depend on several factors,
among them the way your wife finds out that her husband is a
crossdresser, among others.
My husband is a crossdresser
Apparently, all the problems on this issue come from not telling the wife
about our crossdressing from the beginning. If she had known before she got
married, she would have had a choice but apparently on most occasions she
never had that choice.
Before talking openly about my crossdressing with my wife, I was just
absorbed in my own situation, in how much I would like to be able to share
this with my wife and, above all, that
she would willingly accept to support me
in this.
I never stopped to think about how she would feel about it. All that
mattered to me at that moment was that she said yes to my request.
And I came to the conclusion that I was never fair to her in that sense.
When I did, when I tried to put myself in her shoes, I could understand
that this experience, in an extreme case, could be terrible and depressing
for any wife.
Maybe I'm wrong but it seems that no one who has been through this
situation would ever have thought to put themselves in their wife's shoes
and think about how shocking it would be for her to see her husband,
the man she married, dressed in a garter belt, panties and bra (not to
mention the wigs, makeup, heels and everything else), and that discomfort
could only grow over time if no way is found to deal with the situation in
a way that is fair to both of them.
Let's just think about what it would be like to have sex under these
circumstances. Whatever your sexual preference, I'm sure you can
understand what it would be like to feel obligated to share with a person
who is not the sex or sexual preference you are attracted to. What offered
a sexual turn-on for him was a turn-off for her.
Dealing with our lack of knowledge
In many cases getting the wife to accept your tastes is not so impossible.
The problem can come later, basically due to the lack of knowledge of both
wife and crossdresser husband.
In the case of the wife, she doesn't really know what to expect from the
whole situation. She may act in good faith at first and agree to support
you through all this, but in truth she will not know if she can adapt all
the expectations she had for her marriage, her values and beliefs to this
new reality.
She simply never saw herself living this situation. It is not just a
question of information. It's that she doesn't know how such a
crossdresser husband fits into her vision of life. If she did, she would
have found herself a crossdresser husband from the beginning and everyone
would have been happy like in fairy tales.
In the case of the crossdresser husband, he doesn't really know how to
handle this situation either, as he might mistake his wife's initial
acceptance of trying this as tacit approval for him giving free rein to
his wildest fantasies.
It may also happen that he does not know what he really wants, how far
he wants to go with his taste for crossdressing, believing that just by
crossdressing up he will be satisfied when deep down he knows that what
he really wants goes much further. So he ends up trying to amend a lie
with a much bigger one. That can only lead to much bigger problems.
Now imagine all that could be going through the mind of a wife in this
situation, thinking about what she would have done wrong for this to
happen, questioning her own womanhood. Feeling unattractive, unloved,
angry. Silently depressing herself.
The feeling would be horrible.
Much worse if the husband, enjoying his new freedom, does not realize
that his wife has a problem that she could not solve on her own.
Thinking that if she is open minded she will accept crossdressing in a
good way is a mistake as people can be open minded about some things but
not all. There are always limits.
Another mistake is to think that if your wife loves you she must accept
your interest in crossdressing. Love has nothing to do with the whole
thing. She could tell you that if you love her you could drop the whole
crossdressing thing and be the man she wanted again. It just doesn't work
that way.
Tips for coping with crossdressing
I know that all of the above paints a bleak picture, where there seems
to be no chance of success in
talking to your wife about crossdressing.
But this is not the case. There is always the possibility of getting out
of this situation in a way that strengthens the marriage.
I am not an expert on the subject. The only merit I have is that I went
through this process and I am still with my wife whom I love deeply. If
I had to give any advice, I would sum it up in two:
- Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with your wife. Know what you really want to get out of this whole process.
- Take into account what your wife wants and expects from her marriage and her husband. Remember that in a relationship your wife's desires are just as important as yours.
I sincerely hope you find this information useful if you are thinking of
venturing into these seas.
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In my case since my Wife knew I was bent before we married we just decided we would share boyfriends together. Easier for us since we are both bisexual. It's been great 👍.
ReplyDeleteI told my girlfriend, now wife, on our third date. My affection is specifically for silks and satins. When I told her 'my secret' she said "Is that it? I thought it was something dark. I like silks and satins too." After 33 years of marriage, here are my lessons learned:
ReplyDelete1) Telling her early on is really important, it is a matter of trust and respect. She was not duped, nor blind-sided. If she wanted to walk away, she could with little invested.
2) I didn't show her my satin wardrobe until she asked. She didn't talk long to ask. She is a fashionista and was interested. She likes my taste in clothing and values my fashion opinion. We are shopping buddies and share the girlfriend experience.
3) Our marriage is much closer than all her friends relationships. Why, we are much closer. I am in the closet as I wouldn't pass on a dark night. But she is happy to have me in dresses, blouses and skirts. She wears lots of satin as she likes it too and knows that I am very attentive when she is dressed silky.
4) I am loyal. Her first husband cheated on her. That left scars. She knows where I stand. She also knows that I am thoroughly hers. She often suggests that when I am stressed that I change into a nightgown and robe set. That keeps me home, keeps me open with her and keeps me away from drinking or any other substances.
5) I am her wife. Truly, I do the cooking, washing of clothes, much of the housework, make her special drinks and give great massages. My performance is even better when dressed in a silk blouse and satin palazzo pants. We often spends all day in our silky loungewear.
Our marriage really is bliss. But it began with honesty, openness and understanding. Crossdressing in sensuous fabrics is icing on the cake for us both. Fortunately, the foundation (cake) in the marriage is strong enough to support all the other aspects of the relationship, so the love of silks and satins is positive we can both share.
…and now I see the divide.
ReplyDeleteI’d like to try CDing with my wife in order to see the other side of the coin. Enter any shopping mall and any blind man can see the affinity between women and clothes/makeup. How the hell does a guy get close to their mate if she’s unwilling to SHARE her most inner joys. I know you’ll say, he can experience it on me, but that’s like experiencing 150 mph sports car while a spectator. Why would “I” like to CD?, it’s fun, it’s daring, feel something new. Learn about what my lady likes hands on. I’d donate a body part to understand how 50% of this planet REALLY thinks and feels. So there! We’re not trying to steal you’re allure. We’re guys! We burp, have a gut… Were not going to outshine you’re allure. Psha!
If women had a pair, they’d ask to dress up their man once in awhile. How much does lipstick cost at WalMart? Maybe he’ll appreciate waiting for you to get ready.
Also, guys dressing up, masturbation, and the billion other things you consider as cheating… isn’t. Normal guys need to “drain themselves” every three days. It doesn’t care about mood, some cycle, or the fight with Mommy. Be happy he does and doesn’t make a fool of himself when some twin blimps in a tank top marches past at Safeway. Yeah, I’d never tell my wife. A dozen words from me followed by several hours being told I’m a sick selfish bastard. The sexes! God does have a bent sense a humor don’t he?
I told my wife about my cross dressing & wanting to take female hormones before we married, things went well for 20 years then she found photos of me completely dressed, having sex with three men on the internet. Now we are just roommates
ReplyDeleteOne can't help what they are. You cant help being a CD or Trans, or however you identify. No matter what you feel, a potential mate has the right to know BEFORE going into a marriage. With the internet the way it is, the excuse of "I just started feeling this way" is unacceptable. You know, everyone knows how they feel and who they are. It isn't fair to spring it on your partner after 30 years of marriage,or even 5 years of marriage. It IS SELFISH! Then tgere is the added stupidity of the "sissy" fetish. After all that time in a marriage just to find out your partner is a selfish idiot AND EVERY THING is a lie!
ReplyDeleteI have been afraid of telling anyone. How can I tell my wife when I can't even admit it to myself. 30 years of marriage with many joys and many heart aches. No matter how painful it may for me, how can I cause such pain for her? From these comments, it seems to late, that we're doomed. It would seem prudent for me to continue to keep these feels deep in side.
ReplyDelete